Clover

I love being a mother. I knew I would, but I am continuously amazed at how much I love it. Every day, Violet gives me a reason to smile, to laugh, to keep working past the obstacles that life has thrown my way. I sometimes wonder what people must think, when they see a new mother who obviously has cancer. Do they feel pity, sadness, or something else? Maybe it's a mixture of things. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, but I am sure there are those who do, as I'm sure I would to see another in this situation. It's alright...I think the situation is tougher for people to watch than it is to live through.

My beloved baby is eight months old, already! She can sit up, she chatters away in her baby-talk, and she loves Sesame Street. Yesterday, we discovered her first tooth, and she's getting ready to crawl. It won't be long before she's running around, getting into things, and finding new and amazing ways to melt my heart. This is incredible.

Sure the cancer is there, but it pales in comparison to the powerful force I feel for my child. Today, as I watched her sit peacefully in the grass on a friend's front lawn, in the early part of evening, when the light was golden, I lost myself in her wonder as she played with the clover. The traffic hummed, and the breeze blew her soft wisps of hair about like dandelion seeds. It was a blissful magic that I know I will cherish forever.

Now as she sleeps, curled up in her crib, a part of me misses her while she's away. The time is approaching for me to flee to the realm of dreams, myself. Maybe I can play with her there, too.