Wait. Where did the year go? I remember
bits of the beginning. I had a new baby, I was a student, and
everything had changed. In January, my milk stopped coming in. I
cried a lot over it, at first. Nursing Violet was one of the most
amazing things I have ever done, next to carrying her in my body. I
really did grieve over losing that. February, March, April went by
while I worked at balancing school, and caring for a newborn. Then
everything changed, again.
Spring has become such a strange time
for me. My brother died in the spring. Finances plummeted the spring
after that. And then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can't
recall the exact date, but it was sometime in May. For the last few
years, it seems that catastrophe always strikes when the grass is
new, and the trees are covered with blossoms. I've always loved
spring, but now it carries a slight sense of dread.
What is so strange about having cancer
for the second time, is that I was prepared for it. The treatments
have been more drastic, and my body has been permanently altered, but
I accept it. Sure, I have stressful days, but that's mainly due to
losing income, rather than the illness itself. I can't count how many
times I've stated that if cancer and Violet were all I had to worry
about, I'd be fine. Fortunately, we've had a lot of help along the
way. This year, I have learned a lot about how amazing people can be.
Friends, relatives, and even strangers have rallied around my little
family, helping us in ways I could not have imagined.
Christmas was amazing! As usual, things
were extremely tight, and we weren't sure if we'd be doing much of
anything. I really didn't need a lot. All I wanted was a tree, and
something for Violet. I did not anticipate that there would be so
much more. Without warning, gifts, money, visits and an overwhelming
abundance of love came pouring in! We hadn't asked, it just came.
Violet was showered with incredible gifts, as were we, and we even
had a little for Daryll and I to do something for each other. Humbled
is an understatement.
Maybe it makes me weird, but above
everything else, I feel lucky. I have been the recipient of so much
love, how could I not? Of course I have bad days. Things are tight,
and so much will remain uncertain until I can get back into school or
work. We'll be okay, though. We'll survive. After all, it's what we
do.
In a couple of weeks, radiation ends.
Then, all I have to do is heal, build my strength, and prepare for
reconstruction. That could be a lengthy process, but the cancer
treatment itself, is almost done. It's kind of difficult to wrap my
mind around that, just yet. Like everything else, I'll take it as it
comes.
It's been crazy, tumultuous, and at
times, just beyond any description. Over all, it hasn't been a bad
year. I'm alive, I've got the most beautiful daughter in the world
(which didn't end), and there are a lot of people who care about me.
So really, I can't complain too much.
