A House to Call Home

It's funny how cancer seems so small compared to other things. I think other people see it as a bigger deal than I do. That's not to say that I don't find it important...I most certainly do! Cancer is a big deal, but for me, there are things that are much bigger.

As I was playing around on Pinterest earlier (oh, what a dangerous addiction this could be), I found myself re-pinning a picture of some lovely children's bunk beds that had been made into part of the wall of a house. I can only assume it was a house. You can't typically do those things in apartments. Maybe it's silly to feel a little saddened by these things, but it did dampen my spirits a bit. There is so much you can't do with an apartment. I thought about how I couldn't sleep last night, dealing with bone-pain from medication, and thinking about not having a back yard for Violet to play in. I was wondering to myself about inflatable kiddie pools, and how much they cost. I thought about her two adorable bathing suits that were gifted to us that she hasn't even worn, yet. I pictured how cute and happy she would be, splashing around in a little pool in her bathing suit, wearing the sunglasses she got yesterday. I want to find her a kiddie pool, but we have no place to put one. I suppose if they come in small inflatable sizes, we could haul it across the street with some jugs of water to play in the park. I suppose that would be alright.

I don't know why it is so important to me that she has a back yard with a kiddie pool. At this age, it's not like she'd remember it, anyway. I guess what it boils down to is that I want a home for my family...as in a house with a yard, where she can grow up, and we can have a real garden. A place that really feels like ours. The thought of never making this goal worries me far greater than cancer ever could. After I am well again, I'll be back in school, but buying a house will still be so far off. Maybe I just need to work a little harder.