For the Love of Krav Maga

I have a new love...

I know it's been a while since my last post. Things have been a whirlwind and I'm just now figuring out my new pattern, my new way of progressing. I have returned to the Reike Path and have recently been attuned to Elemental Reike. It is doing wonderful things for me. My new love however, my new love has taken the fighter I am inside, and is extracting it to my exterior, piece by piece. It is making me feel more whole and alive than I have ever been.

Shortly after my reconstruction began, when I was still living with the crippling pain of tissue expanders in my chest, slowly stretching my burnt and scarred skin, I was sent to a physical therapist. I had lost most of the ability to lift or reach with my left arm, due to the removal of my lymph nodes, and the decimation of my chest muscle by radiation as well as the re-routing of a portion of my latissimus muscle from my back to the front. In short: the brutality of treatments lead to an equally brutal and shockingly horrific beginning to the journey of making me as physically whole as possible. There was so much pain...and so many limitations to how I could function.

My physical therapist was a delightfully boisterous woman named Joyce. Joyce was wonderful! She loved dogs, she was a master at her profession, she had a warm spirit, and I could talk to her. I can't remember how many sessions we had, but it was cut short by my insurance refusing to cover all that she had planned for me. At the beginning of one of our sessions, I noticed that she had bruises on her forearms. I wasn't going to ask but she said “Before you ask...” and told me about how she was in her Krav Maga class and somebody had a weapon and she didn't. It was her job to take said weapon from the other person...and that was her explanation for the bruises. I could feel my eyes widen with interest. She filled me in a little bit on the wonderful world of Krav Maga and I had her write it down for me so I could look it up.

I never did.

The sessions ended and the piece of paper wound up in my purse. I would find it occasionally and put it back. Tissue expansion continued for a while. Thankfully Joyce had helped me enough so that I wasn't in constant pain. Mornings were still rough but I had stretches to help. Once I was expanded to the size I wanted, it was time for permanent implants and...well...if you read back there are entries about some of the following surgeries.

Surgeries continued (and are almost finished), my marriage fell apart, I damn near went homeless...a few times, I won my disability case, and I began to focus on my jewelry business and getting better emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I started going for walks, and then I started riding my bike six miles a day. Finally, my life was becoming something good. Finally, I was finding happiness.

Shortly after I won my settlement for the two years of disability I was initially denied, despite meeting the full qualifications...you know, having breast cancer and all...of being disabled. I could now pay off a few bills, pay rent, take care of my car...and take some good friends out for a well-deserved meal.

Amber and Nasir, who have taken me out numerous times for dinner, picked me and Violet up and before we found our destination, we happened by a little plaza-strip mall-thing that I go by several times a week. I think I knew there was a Martial Arts school there, but hadn't really thought much about it (other than once in a while musing about what form of martial arts would be good for me if I ever had the guts to pursue it). However, on this particular passing, a sign...no literally, a sign caught my attention. It's big red letters spelled “KRAV MAGA.”

I thought about Joyce. I thought about how I've been poisoned, butchered, and burned. I thought about my brother's death, the heart-wrenching end to my marriage, and how I'm still here. I'm still standing. I'm shaking, but I'm standing. I thought about the countless times I've been called a “warrior” through all of this, and I realized that it was time to really become one.

The very next day, I went into East West Martial Arts and signed up for an introductory “see-how-you-like-it” class. $25 and a free shirt! How could I pass that up? I left my name to be called back for an appointment and as events unfolded, I found myself in my first class on a Friday afternoon, nervous as Hell, but bubbling with excitement. I was taken to a small room with mirrors where I was given a brief one-on-one introduction, then I was lead out into a much larger room with mirrors...and there were other people there. I was surrounded by strangers in a well-lit room, feeling out of my element, wondering if I'd made a mistake but refusing to go back. I hate being “the new kid” but new I was, and already on a journey of re-birth, as it were. I had no idea what to expect so in that wide-eyed and terrified kind of way, I listened for instruction and followed as best I could with a little extra help. We started by jogging in circles...and I tripped over a raised part of the floor mat, falling on my ass. Great. Awesome. Get up. Keep going. You're here. Do this. I ran in circles, I did push-ups...sort of, I did sit-ups, I learned how to punch, how to kick. It was exhausting, but I was unfolding. I was filling up with vitality and life. I was hungry for more. By the end of my first class I knew I had found my new love, Krav Maga. I signed up for the nine month program. THIS would be my rehabilitation. THIS would be the physical therapy I need.

It's only been about a month, but everything has changed. I am already stronger, more confident, and happier. I am SO happy!!! I have even officially gone off antidepressants with my doctor's full approval because this...THIS fills a void. Even when it hurts, it brings me such joy, such fulfillment, such purpose! I don't ever want to quit. I want to see this thing through. I want to get good at it. I want to become what people tell me I am. I want to be a warrior. For me it is not enough to survive. I want to thrive. I want to fly.

I will learn. I will grow. I will fight. I will fly.