Is it Really Worth it?

The lessons have been hard, as of late. For the first time since beginning this blog, I actually deleted a post. I think it was last week or something. I was just becoming way too morose for myself to handle. I suppose occasional crippling melancholy is expected when facing my current situations. Some of them I shall not divulge…at least not until I write my book.

One of the most recent lessons that I’m still finding myself in the thick of, is how destructive the sharing of sensitive information can be and it’s not as simple as “don’t gossip.” I mean…that’s pretty basic even though most of us slip and do it from time to time. The trickier situations usually involve a person who “means well” by meddling in ways that cause more harm than good. They aren't trying to hurt anyone, they just aren’t taking the possibility of collateral damage into account. Then there are the self-loathing people who thrive on stirring the pot, either because they crave the drama or they have a personal vendetta against someone. Either way, focusing their efforts on other people’s faults and weaknesses takes their minds off their own.

Suppose you heard something you clearly weren't meant to about someone you know and it upsets you. As a loyal person your first instinct is to run and tell the person who was being spoken about so they can hear the dreadful things that are being said. But before you do that, do you ask yourself questions like:

Does this information need to be shared in order to keep this person safe?

Is this information just hurtful words and will sharing it actually change anything?

Was the person saying it as a way to vent because they are in distress and in need of someone to confide in or are they purposely spreading rumors?

Most importantly…how much pain is it going to cause the person you intend to tell and do they really need to know in order to continue with their day?

Having been on all sides of the above questions, here is what I have learned from experience:

So, I’ve messed up and shared things that were said about a person TO that person that only resulted in hurting them because really…it was not vital that they knew. It was just mean or hurtful information. Congratulations, Larissa! You just ruined someone’s day! Yes, I felt the appropriate guilt.

I have also been in the situation where I had said something that I found out got back to the person I was talking about and oh…what pain and misery it caused! Sometimes I need to vent. We all do. Most of the time there is no action or intent behind my angry or sad words. It’s just a way to blow off steam or release a little hurt of my own. Sometimes, I am worried about a person and I need to confide in someone to talk me through it. In both these situations, the person delivering the news wasn't doing a damn thing to help. Whether it was intentional or by accident, they were only serving to wound the person I was speaking about and it caused nothing but pain all around.

The next time we hear something that is clearly not meant for us, we need to ask ourselves the above questions. And then we need to take one more thing into consideration: when information is shared by anyone other than the original speaker, it almost always gets distorted even just a little bit. And again, whether it’s done on purpose or purely by accident, the message being received can often have entirely different meaning than the one being sent. Remember playing that game Telephone when we were kids? It’s like that only instead of “purple monkey dishwasher”, the result is usually a lot less amusing. Is it really worth it?